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conduct marks . . .
By Lesle | April 9, 2009
NOVEL TO FOLLOW . . .
I started a new system at home for helping keep the kids’ behavior on track. It’s working so great . . . I don’t know why I didn’t start it years ago.
I was prompted to do this because their behavior had really gotten out of hand. Ian was having to be restrained often at school and was exploding at home when he didn’t get his way. Max was throwing temper tantrums at school and home, and hitting his siblings when he didn’t get his way. And Emy was having Mount Vesuvius-esque meltdowns at home when she didn’t get her way, as well as receiving multiple conducts marks at school every week.
Calgon, take me away!
I had had enough, and realized it was imperative that I stop slacking in this department, because, if I thought I had my hands full now . . . oy! The stories I hear about teenagers!
I knew I needed to establish now that I was in control and in command, so they won’t question my authority when they are older. Okay, I know they are still going to test me when they are teenagers . . . but I believe (hope) that if I remain strong and consistent, they will always know what to expect of me and will practice some self-discipline. We’ll see how it goes.
But regardless of the future . . . getting a handle on their behavior now . . . makes life right now, oh, so much more pleasant.
When everyone was calm and not throwing a hissy fit, we sat down and I told them what I was planning to do. I made a matrix Monday through Sunday, with everyone’s name listed–including mine. The week is broken up into two parts Monday through Thursday (The School Week) and Friday through Sunday (The Weekend). The kids helped me establish the rules . . . we listed the behaviors that should be punished, and what the punishment might be.
Because Monday through Thursday are school days, the kids are limited in what they can do. After school they can watch a little TV, but when I walk in the door from work the TV is turned off for the rest of the evening. They can do homework, read, draw, play with their non-electronic toys and games. Their behavior at home and school during the school week will determine their privileges during the weekend: drawing, playing with toys, computers, video games, swimming, etc.
The grandparents and I determine what deserves a conduct mark, and when their reports come home from school, those points are also marked on our matrix. We’ve been making a big deal about this every Friday when I get home from work. We sit down and talk about their behavior and count up all the points. Everyone starts out with an A, but conduct marks are two points a piece, and if their grade drops below a B . . . that’s where the fun stops.
Their weekend will be spent reading and drawing, nothing more. Any conduct marks earned on the weekend carry over to the next week. So I’m always on the lookout for bad behavior. Sometimes I think maybe it’s too harsh, but then I realize, considering that I’m not really all that strict . . . ten conduct marks is a lot of freaking marks. So I’m okay with my system so far.
What I like being able to tell the kids is that their weekend is completely up to them. I want them to think about and understand that they are responsible for their behavior. They control how their weekend will go. And I really like that it’s not all put off on me being a mean mommy. We made an agreement. We stick to the agreement.
Unfortunately there are also times when immediate punishment is necessary. So we have very specific rules for hitting and having to be restrained. I love that I have 19 steps right out my front door, it makes it so easy to punish the hitters. Not so great is that Ian and Emy actually like doing the stairs. :rolleyes: They can do twice as many flights as Max. However, I lucked out that they don’t really hit as much as Max does. For Ian, when he has to be restrained at home or at school–and I know this is hitting below the belt and I feel awful about it–I’ve had to resort to taking away his drawing priviledges. This is utter torture for him, excessively cruel and unusual. But it’s been working, so I’ll stick with it.
We’ve been at this probably just over a month, and the difference has been remarkable. Sure, we still have our issues and we still have our moments . . . we are just a normal family. But I can honestly say that the issues and the moments are fewer and farther between.
Yeah, I think we’re going to stick to the agreement.
L
Topics: This and That |
April 10th, 2009 at 6:15 pm
That sounds like a pretty good system.
April 12th, 2009 at 7:24 am
Yay for you! Sounds like your plan is working. I found it was always better to involve my kids in the decisions regarding punishments, even as teenagers. The choices were never fun or easy so it made them really think about whether they wanted the consequences. And as is true with any plan…it can be changed if it no longer works. lol!
April 12th, 2009 at 8:42 pm
Sounds like a good system! My girls are both grounded from their DS’s right now! lol
April 13th, 2009 at 7:11 pm
Ah you make me look forward to parenthood
April 14th, 2009 at 6:49 am
Lesle! What a great idea! And they are old enough to understand! I hope it keeps working for them and you, it would make life easier!
April 14th, 2009 at 2:19 pm
This is great! You’re giving them a sense of control over their own behavior and that will carry over throughout their adult lives. Way to go Mom!
April 14th, 2009 at 7:03 pm
That sounds like a great system. I’m glad to hear that it’s working.
April 15th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
I have to be careful or she’ll have me walking stairs, too!
April 16th, 2009 at 6:44 am
So how many conduct marks do I have now?
April 22nd, 2009 at 1:51 pm
walking stairs?! that’d be enough to get me to behave!! sounds like your system is working great
April 26th, 2009 at 8:03 pm
Glad it is working for you Lesle– the less stress the better!
April 27th, 2009 at 2:55 pm
can you post a picture of the chart.